the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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