I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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