So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
