I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
