did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
