my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
