she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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