Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
