Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
