i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
