well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
