I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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