I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
