I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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