yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
