I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
