You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
