bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
