I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
