Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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