can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
