my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
