there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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