So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
