hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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