everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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