At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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