swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
