I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
