Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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