i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
