Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
