those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize