Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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