I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
