I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
