I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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