Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
