is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
