I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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