In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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