i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
