No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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