That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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