so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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