Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
