i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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