After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
