It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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