What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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