5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
