Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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