I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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