Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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