so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
