Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
