If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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