just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
