why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
