PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
