Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
