I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
