ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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