Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
