I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My balls are so social today.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
