she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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