i barfeds in our rink
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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