We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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