I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
