Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
