If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm like, not good at living.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
