Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
