i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
