My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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