I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
