it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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