I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
