Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
