legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
