I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
