Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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