im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
