my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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