it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
