Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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