plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
