Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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