It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
