clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
