At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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