So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
