He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
