Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She is in my trunk
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize