im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
