I want to have your abortion
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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