i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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