Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
