please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
