I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
