Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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