Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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