...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
