her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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